


One Wild Night

by sfblah



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Allergies, Female Sneezing, Gen, Sneezing, magic sneezes, sneeze fetish, sneeze fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27016816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sfblah/pseuds/sfblah
Summary: A twist on the Wild Magic Sorcerer class, where a player’s real-life allergies cause the magic side effects in-game.
Kudos: 1





	One Wild Night

**Author's Note:**

> This story features many of the same "real world" characters as Dungeons and Dayquil, playing a new campaign with different characters. There's no significant continuity between the two stories though.

It was a crisp spring evening in the small but luxurious city of Thornhaven. The local lord, a young man by the name of Ferkath Havensong, was preparing for the monthly gala in his castle. Hoping to entertain aristocracy from near and far, Havensong was expecting a great many guests. Possibly even a few he had yet to properly meet.

A trio of adventurers emerged from an inn, looking up at Castle Thornhaven from the base of the hill it stood upon. Horace Benwick tugged at his lapels, wondering if his outfit would be convincing. The halfling had never owned any particularly fine vestments, and he would need to make do one way or another. Beside him, a half-elf barbarian named Sylphie crossed her arms and tapped a foot impatiently. While Horace fretted over his clothes, Sylphie was hardly wearing any to begin with. Her companions had attempted to force her into a dress earlier in the evening, but she promptly tore it in half the moment they left her alone. A leather vest, rugged pants, and a pair of combat boots would have to suffice.

The party’s de facto leader, a tall, slender tiefling, was the last to step forward. Also concerned about her appearance, Luxandra lightly patted the front of her skirt and cleared her throat. A short cape fluttered behind her in the breeze and the rest of her outfit was finely crafted, but more scholarly in appearance than formal. Twitching her long, upturned nose to one side, Luxandra pursed her lips and tried to stop worrying. Unfortunately, her body quickly gave her something more serious to fret over.

_“Hhh-! Hih…! Hiht’Ch!”_

Holding her index finger under her nose, Luxandra gave a soft sneeze. The sides of her bobbed black hair swished forward and back, and a lock of her slicked-back bangs fell between the two small horns that protruded from her forehead. Luxandra fixed her hair, and then she brought a curled knuckle up to her face to rub gently under her nose. Beside her, Sylphie smirked.

“Getting started early, I see,” said the half-elf, slapping a hand on Luxandra’s back.

“It’s not funny,” the sorceress replied, straightening her finger and pressing it firmly against her thin nostrils. Sylphie shrugged and rolled her eyes with a smile.

“We’ve been doing this for what, five months now?”

Luxandra nodded timidly, her light red skin taking on a darker shade around her cheeks.

“Five months, and nothing’s happened!”

“I think you got taller once,” Horace interrupted, holding up a finger. Luxandra stared at him, her lips pulling tight as she tried not to laugh. Lowering her hand from her nose, the tiefling instead covered her mouth and giggled softly. Sylphie patted her on the back again, more gently this time.

“Now show me that dashing confidence!”

Luxandra straightened up, putting on a charming smile and staring ahead with her sharp eyes. She doubled over in laughter again, this time joined by her two companions. Once they’d taken a moment to release their stress, the adventurers began to ascend the hill toward the castle, forged invitations in hand.

Just past the halfway point, Luxandra’s pace slowed. Her eyelids drooped, and after a sharp, hitched breath, she quickly lifted a finger to her nose once more. The sorceress’s thin nostrils flared as her eyes gently closed, and before her companions could stop her…

* * *

_“Aht-Chh!”_

“Alright, gimme that d20 roll,” said Rachel from behind her dungeon master’s screen. Hanging her head in dismay, Brooke gently rubbed under her long nose before proceeding. Once she finished, she sniffed, adjusted her glasses, and nervously reached for her twenty-sided die. Refusing to make eye contact with Max or Shaun, Brooke frowned and tossed the d20 into her dice tray. When the die came to a stop, Brooke’s jaw clenched as she stared down at it.

“Oho, _yes!”_ Max cheered, thrusting her hands up toward the ceiling. Even Shaun was trying not to laugh.

“Is it a one?” asked Rachel, starting to smile. Brooke’s head fell into her hands and she nodded.

“It’s a one…”

Rachel grinned and rubbed her hands together.

“Let’s see that wild magic roll.”

Brooke swallowed nervously, picking up two identically-shaped dice from the corner of her tray. She clenched them in her fist, bringing it up to her forehead, and then she let the dice fall. After a moment of agonizing silence, Brooke forced herself to look down.

“A ten, and a six, so… Sixteen?”

“Sixteen,” Rachel repeated, looking down at her player’s handbook. She gave an almost disappointed chuckle and shook her head.

“For the next minute, you regain five hit points at the start of each of your turns.”

* * *

Placing a hand on her chest, Luxandra breathed a sigh of relief. Sylphie put an arm around the sorceress’s shoulders and gave her a friendly squeeze.

“See? Nothing happened! It’s fine!”

Filled with renewed confidence, Luxandra took a deep breath and smiled. The three adventurers continued to march up the hillside, beginning to encounter more and more partygoers as they neared the castle. Just before arriving at the gate, Horace broke off from Luxandra and Sylphie, distancing himself from the others to avoid suspicion. A few minutes later, Luxandra heard Horace’s voice in her head, courtesy of his Message spell.

“Made it inside. Good luck.”

Luxandra gave a nod and telepathically replied “see you soon.” A line had started to form at the castle gate, and already Luxandra could tell some of the other guests were taking issue with Sylphie’s appearance. She ignored them until they reached the end of the line, sure that the guards would have similar complaints.

Two men holding spears stood on either side of the castle’s entrance, and a young wood elf man stood behind a podium. He smiled to Luxandra as she approached, but his disgust at Sylphie’s presence was palpable. Nevertheless, the two of them stepped up to the podium together.

“I’m terribly sorry, but the gala is formal attire only,” said the elf, haughtily tipping his head back a few degrees. Luxandra smiled devilishly, holding out her invitation and Sylphie’s in one hand.

“It’s fine, I assure you,” said the tiefling, her voice low and smoky. “This fine young half-elf is my bodyguard, and she hails from the unknown regions. This is formal.”

The wood elf’s gaze cautiously drifted toward Sylphie. The barbarian cracked her knuckles and grinned.

“You wouldn’t want to offend her, would you?” Luxandra continued, resting one arm on the podium and leaning toward the greeter. The wood elf swallowed nervously and shook his head.

“N-no, go on in,” he stammered, taking the invitations and waving his free hand toward the castle gate. Luxandra bowed graciously and continued on her way. Sylphie gave an amused snort as she passed the podium, resisting the urge to feint toward the greeter. Clasping her hands behind her waist, Luxandra smiled and took a deep, relaxing breath. Before she could let it out, however, her long nose suddenly crinkled up at the bridge. The tiefling sniffed, quickly scrunching the base of her nose to one side and then the other. Sylphie walked up beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder, unable to do anything but watch as her friend suffered a brief sneezing fit.

_“Heh… Huh…! He’tshh! Ah-Chh! Hih! Ha-CHH!”_

* * *

“Okay, roll at disadvantage,” said Rachel, slouching in her chair. Brooke snuffled as she furiously rubbed her fingers back and forth across her nostrils, shaking her head in annoyance.

“Gimme a sec! Jeez!” she whined, her voice cracking. She scrubbed her hands up and down the sides of her nose, nudging her glasses onto her forehead, and then she gave another quick back and forth underneath her nostrils. Max smiled and rubbed her back, but this only drew Brooke’s frustration to the surface.

“Why did I agree to this _stupid_ house rule?” she groaned, barely able to keep from laughing. Max patted Brooke on the shoulder and smirked.

“Because it’s _hilarious?”_

Brooke slapped Max’s hand away and retrieved her d20. Rachel put on a smug smile.

“Besides, I’m being nice. We agreed if you sneeze a whole bunch, it just gives you disadvantage. I could make you roll for all three of those!”

“Ugh, _fine.”_

Brooke rolled her d20 twice. After seeing both results, she collapsed back on the couch with a hand over her face. Rachel squirmed a bit, almost excited.

“You get another one?” she asked. Brooke immediately shot back up and jabbed a finger down at her dice tray.

“Nuh-uh! That’s a _two!”_

“Then you’re fine.”

* * *

Luxandra gently rubbed a finger under her nose, and then she cleared her throat and smiled. Sylphie smiled back, and they continued on into the castle. The foyer was what one might normally expect from a castle, cold and militaristic, but through the next gate, the adventurers could clearly see a bright, bustling party. Luxandra and Sylphie quickened their stride and stepped up into the great hall.

Bright magelights floated in the air, illuminating the enormous chamber. Red and gold banners hung from the walls, and a band calmly played in the back corner. The edges of the hall were lined with tables to rest and eat at, and the center of the floor had been cleared of all furniture to make room for the dozens of dancing couples. Every doorway leading away from the great hall had another pair of guards on duty, but they seemed relatively relaxed. Briefly concentrating on Horace, Luxandra cast a Message spell of her own.

“We’re in the great hall. Where are you?”

A moment later, she received a response.

“Searching the east wing.”

Glad to hear that their trusty rogue hadn’t been caught yet, Luxandra turned to Sylphie and gave a sly smile.

“Alright, let’s schmooze.”

The duo began to gradually make their way around the edge of the hall. Luxandra smiled at everyone who met her eye, and Sylphie helped herself to one of everything from the buffet. The other party guests all seemed rich and powerful, but none of them struck Luxandra as particularly important just yet. After taking a glass of wine from a passing waiter, the tiefling sat down at an empty table to gather her thoughts. Sylphie joined her a moment later with a plate piled high with food. Luxandra chuckled, but before she could take a sip of her drink, her eyelids began to flutter and her small nostrils flared helplessly.

_“Hh-huh…”_

“Hey!” Sylphie whispered firmly, startling Luxandra back to reality. “Don’t sneeze _now!”_

The two adventurers glared at each other, both indignant for their own reasons. After a moment of silence, Sylphie gestured at her food.

“At least let me _eat_ first!”

Luxandra rolled her eyes and turned away. She looked out at the dancefloor, trying to see if she could pick out Lord Havensong himself. Finding no luck, the sorceress drank her wine and set the glass down on the table just in time to feel another sneeze coming on. Sylphie was too busy eating, and Luxandra was still facing away from her, so she didn’t notice until it was much too late.

_“Hupt’CH!”_

* * *

_“No! It’s a one again!”_ wailed Brooke, giggling and punching the couch cushion she was sitting on. Max smiled and clapped, laughing so hard that no sound escaped her aside from the occasional snort. Shaun had his head in his hands, quietly chuckling as well. Rachel smiled and provocatively rolled her eyes, waiting for Brooke to make her wild magic roll.

“Sixty two.”

The dungeon master consulted the wild magic table once more, and she immediately snorted with laughter when she read the result.

* * *

“Bless you,” Sylphie said sarcastically, tossing a chicken bone onto the table beside her plate. Luxandra turned to face her, sheepishly rubbing her nose.

“EXCUSE ME,” bellowed the tiefling. Both she and Sylphie jumped in surprise, and Luxandra clapped her hands over her mouth.

“You don’t have to shout at me,” Sylphie snarled, folding her arms.

“I’M SORRY! I’M NOT-” Luxandra began, startling herself again. “I’M NOT TRYING TO. I CAN’T STOP! I THINK IT’S BECAUSE OF MY SNEEZE!”

Sylphie’s frustration immediately turned to joy. Her mouth still full of food, she simply pointed at her companion and laughed. Turning away again, Luxandra pouted and dejectedly rubbed her nose. She hoped she could simply keep her mouth shut until the wild magic surge passed, but just before the minute was up, she went cold with fear as she felt another sneeze creeping up on her.

Desperate to hold it in, the tiefling scrunched up her face and waved a hand up and down in front of her nose. Unfortunately, she found herself unable to resist, and to make matters worse, her vocal chords were still out of her control.

 _“AAHH… HAAH… HAAAH…!”_ Luxandra gasped, her breaths no deeper than usual, but much more vocalized. Sylphie choked down her laughter, not wanting to miss the impending doom for the world. Try as she might, Luxandra eventually gave in and doubled over with an uncharacteristically huge _“HAA-CHIIOOOO!!!”_

No wild magic befell her, but a few nearby guests did give Luxandra an annoyed glance. The tiefling remained frozen in place for another minute, her eyes wide and her hands cupped over her nose and mouth. Sylphie gradually got her giggling under control and resumed eating. Eventually Luxandra finally shifted, scooting closer to her companion and popping her hands open to quickly whisper “is it over?”

After glancing over her shoulder, Sylphie swallowed her current mouthful of food and leaned toward her friend. She gestured for Luxandra to lean in as well, and once the sorceress obliged, Sylphie took a deep breath and shouted _“YES!”_

Luxandra recoiled, nearly falling out of her chair. Sylphie howled with laughter, ignoring her own round of irritated stares. Flustered and embarrassed, Luxandra harrumphed and stood up from the table, deciding to make her own way through the party. She walked around the perimeter of the hall, gradually working out her frustration, and before long she heard Horace’s voice in her head again.

“Nothing in the east wing. May go out of range.”

Once Horace received Luxandra’s acknowledgement, he rolled out from his hiding place and silently ran down the hall. He had figured out the patrol routes in the east wing, so avoiding the guards was a simple task. Part of him hoped the west wing would be similar, but the rogue knew not to count on it. 

Rather than cross through the great hall, Horace decided to go around it on the upper level. Getting past the guards in the hall had been enough of a pain the first time, and he had no desire to do it again. Fortunately, it seemed that only two sets of guards patrolled around the balcony, allowing the halfling to reach the other side with ease. Just as he was about to slip into the west wing, however, the very door he intended to use burst open, revealing Lord Ferkath Havensong himself, flanked by two more guards.

Horace immediately dove out of sight, and Lord Havensong simply continued on his way. Once the coast was clear, the rogue sprang out and approached the door once more. To his dismay, the door to the west wing’s second floor was locked. After checking to make sure the next patrol was far enough away, Horace retrieved his thieve’s tools and set about undoing the lock. It was surprisingly difficult to pick, and his heart began to race when he heard the hall below fall silent. Fortunately it was only Lord Havensong being announced, but he knew he had mere seconds until the nearest set of guards rounded the corner.

In his haste to open the door in time, Horace felt the very tip of his lockpick break off inside. Knowing there was nothing more he could do for the moment, he immediately dove back into cover to avoid being spotted. After the guards passed, he stood up again and peered over the balcony, trying to see if Luxandra and Sylphie were still alright. Fortunately, Luxandra’s red skin and thin, devilish tail made her stand out in the crowd. Subtly pointing his finger at her, Horace cast Message.

“Not in danger, but I need a distraction.”

A moment later, he received Luxandra’s reply.

“What kind of distraction?”

“Don’t start killing yet. Just make some noise.”

Luxandra nodded and began to formulate a plan as quickly as she could. Since Lord Havensong didn’t seem intent on giving some grand speech, she decided she would have to do it herself. The tiefling picked up her now mostly-empty wine glass and grabbed the knife straight from Sylphie’s hand, earning an annoyed _“Hey!”_ Then, she tapped the knife against the side of the glass, getting the crowd’s attention before they returned to their usual bustle.

“Excuse me, excuse me, everyone. I have something I’d like to say,” Luxandra began, raising her voice but retaining the elegant, smoky tone. “I’m sure most of you don’t know me, but I think that serves only as a testament to what Lord Havensong has accomplished. He has managed to gather people from far and wide, united and working toward a common goal.”

* * *

“Ooh, roll me persuasion, girl.”

Brooke sniffed and chuckled nervously, self-conscious about her impromptu speech. She grabbed her d20, pushed her glasses up her nose, and tossed the die into her tray. After looking at the result and doing some mental math, she looked up at Rachel with a smile.

_“Twenty eight.”_

_“Damn!_ They’re entranced, and they look like they want more!”

Rubbing a finger under her nose, Brooke smiled and blushed.

“Okay…”

* * *

The sorceress paused, seemingly for effect, but her mind raced in search of what to say next. She genuinely had no idea what Lord Havensong actually did, profiting from slave labor and proxy wars aside. Knowing she would wear out her welcome if she waited too long, Luxandra closed her eyes and smiled briefly before continuing on.

“So, I could go on about how this is such a great investment, but that’s not really the point, is it?”

Luxandra noticed many of the nearest guests starting to smile, but at the same time she felt herself falter. An elusive tickle was creeping into her nose, and she knew she didn’t have long before another sneeze forced its way out. Not wanting to so much as lift a finger to her face, the tiefling shook her head with a smile and pressed on.

“Really, we owe it all to him. So let’s hear it for Lord Havensong! For making us all greater than the sum of our parts!”

The crowd began to applaud, and Luxandra could only hope it was enough noise to mask whatever Horace was up to. Regardless, she had her own problems to deal with. Giving her nearest neighbors a weak smile, Luxandra set the glass and knife down on and produced a red satin handkerchief from her pocket. She brought it up to her nose and turned away from the majority of the crowd, hoping to sneeze as daintily as possible. Noticing the potential trouble, Sylphie rose from the table and stood beside her friend, though she knew there was nothing she could do.

_“Aah… Ha’tshh! Heh! Hih-CH!”_

* * *

“Okay, while everyone’s clapping, I want to just jam my screwdriver into the lock and force it open,” Shaun explained, gesturing at nothing in particular. Rachel nodded, looking down at some of her notes.

“Alright. Make a dexterity check, but no proficiency.”

“Let’s see… Dirty twenty.”

“That does it, you get the door open.”

Shaun sighed with relief, and Brooke smiled awkwardly as she fell under the dungeon master’s gaze.

“Let’s have it.”

Brooke sniffled as she rolled her d20 twice, and she immediately slapped her hands to her cheeks and screamed through clenched teeth as she saw the dreaded number come up.

“How many times am I gonna roll a one, Max?” Brooke sobbed, grabbing her friend by the shirt and slowly jerking her back and forth. _“How many times!?”_

Rachel covered her mouth with her hand and laughed.

“Disadvantage really sucks, man. Alright, do your thing.”

 _“I hate you…_ Thirty one.”

“…Oh my.”

* * *

Immediately after sneezing, Luxandra threw her arms around herself and shivered. She sniffed harshly and rubbed her nose with her handkerchief, and when she finally opened her eyes, she nearly screamed. The tiefling found herself standing on a tiny, floating piece of land, drifting through the abyss of the astral plane. Emptiness stretched out all around her, and blue and purple stars were visible far off in the distance. 

Hearing strange noises coming from behind her, Luxandra turned around and her mouth silently fell open as a massive, nameless creature flew toward her. The tiefling held up her arms in front of her face for protection, but otherwise she found herself unable to move. Fortunately, in another twist of fate, she suddenly disappeared in an imploding cloud of smoke just as the floating creature crashed through the island she’d been standing on.

Six seconds after she vanished, Luxandra reappeared in the same spot. Sylphie slowly reached a hand toward the tiefling and poked her shoulder, surprised when she didn’t react at all. Luxandra stood still as a statue, her eyes glazed over and staring into infinity. After a moment longer, Sylphie grew tired of waiting and smacked her on the back of the head. Luxandra yelped and stumbled forward, but she seemed to finally regain her awareness.

“Hey, you okay?” asked the barbarian, sounding surprisingly thoughtful. Luxandra stared into Sylphie’s eyes, her lower lip trembling subtly.

“No I’m not okay!” the sorceress whined, burying her nose back into her handkerchief. Sylphie put her hands on her hips and glanced awkwardly off to the side.

“Yeah, you’ve got a pretty serious case of the sneezes today.”

Luxandra sniffled, her eyes starting to water.

“My allergies are acting up really bad,” she choked, hanging her head. Sylphie smiled sympathetically as Luxandra took a deep breath and loudly blew her nose. When she finished, she promptly inhaled again and blew a second time. Reaching a hand between Luxandra’s horns, the barbarian gently patted her on the head.

“That’s it, get it all out,” she cooed, gently tilting her head to one side. “Feel any better?”

* * *

Brooke put her arms around Max and slowly rocked back and forth.

“I love you, Sylphie,” she mumbled, her voice genuinely a bit stuffy. She playfully ‘cried’ into her friend’s shoulder, exaggeratedly snuffling and snorting. Max laughed and awkwardly twisted one arm around to rub Brooke’s back. Rachel gave a chuckle as well before turning her attention to Shaun.

“Okay Horace, what’cha doing?”

* * *

Horace ran through the west wing as quickly and as quietly as his halfling legs would allow. Feeling that he’d taken too long already, he ignored the first few rooms he passed until he found himself in front of a pair of ornate double doors. After glancing up and down the hall to make sure he was alone, the rogue checked the door for traps and swiftly picked the lock. Having significantly more luck here than at the entrance to the west wing, he got the door open and slipped inside.

Finding himself in what he could only assume was Lord Havensong’s bedroom, Horace immediately turned the place upside down, albeit as neatly as he could. Through some rather incredible luck, the halfling happened upon a lockbox inside a hidden compartment in Havensong’s desk. He was reasonably confident he’d managed to disarm the trap built into the lock, but he decided to play it safe. Taking a few steps back, Horace used his Mage Hand spell to grab his thieve’s tools from his pocket and open the box from afar.

Sure enough, the lockbox sprang open after a few seconds of work. Grabbing his tools from his Mage Hand, Horace put them away and examined the box’s contents. A few letters from an ex-fiance, but more importantly, a manifest of Havensong’s mines. He knew no one at the party would care, and the lord had taken great pains to distance himself from the slave trade, but surely there had to be someone out there who could do something. Horace stuffed the papers into the inside pocket of his coat, and as he made his way back to the door, he couldn’t resist the urge to swipe a gold signet ring from the corner of the desk.

After making sure the hallway was clear, Horace slipped out of the bedroom and headed back to where he’d come from. He could hear a guard patrol approaching around the corner, so he ducked behind a potted plant and waited for them to pass. Hoping he was still in range, he cast Message again to let his party know how he’d been faring.

“Found the manifest. Let’s get out of here.”

Luxandra nodded, but before she could respond, she felt a hand on her shoulder. The tiefling whirled around in surprise, and she found herself face to face with none other than Lord Ferkath Havensong. Too shocked to properly react, Luxandra neglected to extend a hand or bow her head, and she even forgot she was still holding her handkerchief to her nose.

“That was quite the toast, ma’am,” said Havensong, giving a gracious nod. “Though as you said, I’m not sure we’ve been properly introduced.”

The sorceress smiled, regaining as much of her composure as she could.

“Please forgive me. My name is Lusi… Tania? And this improperly-dressed young lady is my bodyguard… Selfie…”

Havensong smiled and waved a hand dismissively.

“It’s quite alright. Wear what you’re comfortable with, I always say. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lucy. May I call you Lucy? And if I might ask, what’s this? Are you well?”

When Havensong gestured to the handkerchief, Luxandra’s eyes went wide and she clumsily tucked the satin square behind her back. Starting to blush, the tiefling smiled nervously and shook her head.

“It’s nothing. I think I have _allergies,”_ Luxandra explained, trying to sound playfully vulnerable. “There must be something on the material plane that bothers me.”

“Oh? Where are you from, if I may ask?” Havensong inquired, drawing back in surprise. Luxandra smiled and fluttered her eyelids, though a sudden snuffle and scrunch of her nose muddied her sultry image somewhat.

“I’m a… Visiting dignitary from the City of Brass.”

“I wasn’t aware that I had any dealings with the elemental plane of fire,” said Havensong, suddenly speaking infernal instead of common. Luxandra simply lowered her head and widened her smile.

“Word of your escapades has spread quite far,” she replied, also speaking infernal. Lord Havenson chuckled and took a step forward. He leaned ever so slightly toward Luxandra’s ear and began to whisper.

“Do you really think I don’t know what you’re up to?” he taunted, still in infernal. Keeping an eye on the conversation, Sylphie began to frown. She couldn’t understand what they were saying, but she could tell things had taken a turn. Her fingers reached for her necklace, causing the bear effigy to lightly clink against the tiger claw hanging beside it. Luxandra raised an eyebrow but maintained her playful smile.

“I’m hoping to strengthen our relationship, and-”

Lord Havensong suddenly grabbed Luxandra by the upper arm, jerking her toward him. Normally this would have made her quite angry, but she was too distracted by a sudden tickle in her nose. The shock of being jostled delayed her urge to sneeze, but only by a few seconds. Helplessly flaring her nostrils, the tiefling sniffed and wiggled her nose, hoping to avoid another catastrophe.

“Every man and woman in this castle is either on my payroll or in my debt. Did you really think this wise? Hm?”

Luxandra couldn’t bring herself to respond. Her eyes fluttered shut and her breath began to hitch.

_“Hhh-! Hih! Hh-heh!”_

“That’s what I thought. Now, you and your ‘bodyguard’ are going to come with me. Do you understand?”

The sorceress’s head bobbed, but only as she gasped for breath…

_“Heh! He’tshh! Hih… Hih-CH! HA-Chh! Ah-CHU!”_

* * *

Brooke pitifully blew her nose as all three of her friends laughed. Once she finished, she groaned and slumped against Max’s shoulder. Max chuckled and pointed back and forth between Brooke and herself.

“This is all in-character, by the way,” she said, earning a light slap from Brooke.

“No it’s not…” Brooke whined in a stuffy voice. “There’s no such thing as, like, _super_ disadvantage, right?”

Rachel laughed and shook her head.

“No, but I am gonna need you to roll.”

Brooke tossed two d20s into her rolling tray, and she immediately curled up into a ball on the couch. Even Max and Shaun were too stunned to make a sound. Rachel leaned forward, but she couldn’t quite see the dice over her dungeon master’s screen.

“What’d you…” she trailed off, choking back laughter, “what’d you get?”

Brooke unceremoniously held up her middle finger, her face still hidden behind her knees. Rachel wheezed and slapped her thighs.

“Okay, let’s do this!”

Giving no response of any kind, Brooke remained motionless.

“If you don’t roll, I’m gonna have to do it for you.”

 _“Agh! Fine!”_ cried Brooke, bursting out of her fetal position. She grabbed her d10s and hurled them into the rolling tray.

“Seventy four.”

Rachel looked down at her player’s handbook, and a mischievous smile spread across her face as she picked up some of her own dice and rolled them behind her screen.

“Oh.”

Brooke perked up, adjusting her glasses by the corner.

“What?”

_“Oh.”_

_“What!?”_

“Lord Havensong lets go of your arm, and then he clutches his chest and gasps like he’s in pain. He looks up at you and says ‘What the…? What did you do to me?’”

“What!?” Brooke repeated, grabbing the sides of her head. “I didn’t mean to!”

Rachel laughed heartily, and then she grasped a handful of her shirt and returned to acting out the character.

“‘Guards! This woman’s poisoned me! Arrest her!’”

 _“I didn’t mean to!”_ Brooke wailed, hiding her face behind her hands and shaking back and forth. Rachel sat up straight and picked up one of her d20s, pointing at the players with her free hand.

“Well, that doesn’t matter now, because I need you all to roll initiative!”

Max cheered and Brooke groaned into her hands, but they both rolled their d20s and gave the results to the dungeon master.

“Me too?” asked Shaun, picking up his die. Rachel nodded.

“Yeah, let’s get you on there for the timeline.”

Once Rachel had the initiative order, she rubbed her hands together and cleared her throat. When she pointed to Max, the player’s face lit up.

“Alright. Sylphie, you’re up first.”

Max grinned aggressively and mimed drawing two weapons from her back.

_“I would like to rage!”_

* * *

An aura of blue flame appeared around the totems on Sylphie’s necklace, and the same light flashed in her eyes as she let out a primal battlecry. Reaching over her shoulders, she drew a longsword and a handaxe that the greeter had been kind enough not to take from her. The barbarian snarled, grinning at Luxandra, and then slowly turning her gaze toward Lord Havensong. Giving another enraged shout, she charged forward and tackled the man away from her friend, both of them tumbling to the floor a few feet away.

Despite Havensong’s threats, none of the party guests seemed interested in fighting. Screaming filled the air as finely-dressed men and women began to flee. Soon only the guards remained, and they quickly began to close in around Luxandra and Sylphie. Lord Havensong struggled to escape Sylphie’s grasp, but she managed to keep him pinned on the floor. Then, it was Luxandra’s turn to act.

Thrusting a hand toward a line of guards, a pair of fire bolts shot from the tiefling’s fist. Each one struck a different guard in the chest, staggering one and knocking the other to the ground. Luxandra assumed a fighting stance, but she failed to keep her guard up as she felt another sneeze coming on. Her eyebrows arched and her jaw went slack, and then she bobbed forward with a soft _“Huh’tshh!”_ For better or worse, nothing seemed to happen this time.

As she snuffled and rubbed her nose, Luxandra suddenly heard Horace’s voice in her head.

“Heard screaming. What’s going on?”

Though she still didn’t know where the rogue was, he must at least be somewhere within the range of the Message spell. On the one hand Horace would certainly be helpful in combat, but on the other, he had a better chance of escaping with Havensong’s manifest if he remained hidden. Knitting her eyebrows in concentration, Luxandra sent her reply.

“Change of plans. Get out ASAP.”

Sylphie sunk her axe into Lord Havensong’s chest, and while he was stunned on the floor, she leapt to her feet and charged off to attack one of the guards. Another of Havensong’s soldiers stepped forward and thrust his spear toward Luxandra, but she swiftly put up a hand and cast a Shield spell, deflecting the attack off to the side. 

The sorceress sustained the spell long enough to defend herself from the rest of the guards as well, and just when she thought the onslaught was over, an arrow shot down toward her from the balcony above. Fortunately Luxandra was able to block the projectile with her Shield spell, but when she looked up to spot who had fired it, she saw half a dozen men standing around the edges of the upper level. Before more arrows could begin to fly, however, one of the other guards suddenly went limp and fell from the balcony, a crossbow bolt embedded in the base of his neck. It was hard to be sure at this distance, but Luxandra thought she saw a small hand reach above the railing and give a thumbs-up.

When it was her turn to retaliate, she found herself frozen in place. _‘Oh no, not now…’_ Luxandra pleaded, fighting against her own reflexes. As a sharp, feathery tickle spread upward through her nose, the tiefling knew she was on the verge of not just a sneeze, but a proper sneezing fit. Her eyelids slowly fell and she tried to bring a finger up to her nose, but she barely managed to lift her hand above her chin before losing control.

_“Ha… Haa…! Ha-CHH! Hih… Heh! Eh’tshh! Hih-CH! Ah-Chshh! Ha-Haa-HA-CHIOO!”_

* * *

“What? Did you get a-”

“Yeah! It’s a _one_ , Rachel! _It’s a one!”_

“Great, you know what that means!”

“Yeah, yeah… Seven.”

“Yes!” Max shouted, jumping up from the couch. Throwing her hands in the air, she excitedly ran a few laps around the room before practically throwing herself on top of Brooke.

 _“YES!”_ she screamed, grabbing Brooke and shaking her until her glasses nearly flew from her face.

“Why do you know what this is!?” Brooke stammered, lightly slapping at Max to keep her away. “Is this what I think it is?”

Max grabbed Brooke and jostled her again, finally succeeding in knocking her glasses askew.

“It _is! This is amazing!”_

* * *

As Luxandra unleashed her last, most powerful sneeze, a wave of fire exploded out all around her. The fireball filled almost a third of the entire great hall, and when the dust settled, every guard in the chamber had been blown off their feet. Luxandra helplessly blew her nose into her handkerchief, and she refused to open her eyes for a good ten seconds even after she finished. When she finally did, she nearly fell over as she gazed upon the destruction she had caused. None of the guards were even beginning to stand up, and she had no idea if Lord Havensong was dead or only mostly dead.

Sylphie suddenly thrust her arms up toward the ceiling, still holding both of her weapons.

 _“Woo! You blew us up!_ That was _great!”_

“Yeah, now let’s go!” shouted Horace from the balcony above. He leapt down to the floor and rolled across the carpet before springing to his feet. Luxandra whimpered and held an outstretched finger under her nose to sniffle, but she didn’t have long before each of her companions suddenly grabbed her hands and began to dash toward the castle gate.

“You get the stuff?” asked Sylphie, briefly looking back over her shoulder. Horace nodded and gave a thumbs up.

“Yeah, I got the stuff!”

The rogue and barbarian shared a smile, but as they turned to the sorceress in between them, they screamed in unison when they saw the desperate look on her face.

_“Ha… Haaa… HA-CHIOOO!!!”_


End file.
